Locked out of heaven

And you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven...

Oh yeah yeah... Oh yeah yeah yeah

I love Bruno Mars. He is AMAZING and very talented. I know what the song is really about and its not in the literal sense. 

I was listening to this on my ipod and was thinking of how many people really probably do feel as though they will pass on, arrive to heaven's gates, and it has just been shut and locked "click." With a man dressed in a red suit, you know who, saying "bring em on down to satanville" Did I mention I love JT and SNL too?

No, but really they feel as though they are not worthy of heaven or God's love. I've been there and I completely understand. I have done things in my life that have made me believe I am not deserving. And I know Christianity turns alot of people off because they feel as though they are being judged. You gotta go to church, you have to tithe, no drinking, cussing, oh and you over there listen to the wrong music. This is what the text says it takes to get to heaven. 

Romans 10:9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Mark 16:16: Jesus says, "He who believes and is baptized will be saved, but he who does not believe will be condemned." 

When I was younger, me, a friend, and my sister were playing in one of those plastic pools. So we have this bright idea after learning about John the baptist that we are going to baptize my sister. Good thing we didn't learn the story of Abraham and sacrifices that day! Ok I was not even school age and my mom was horrified when we told her what we were going to do! I'm not quite sure if we managed to get it done. She's still alive today if your wondering. Love you Emily, I was just trying to do right by God! Haha!

So pretty much you have to believe God sent his son Jesus the Messiah to earth to die for YOUR sins and raised him from the dead and be baptised. That's it! It does not say you have to be beating down the doors to the church every sunday! Do I personally think it's important, of course. It holds me accountable for sure.

Isaiah 64:6: All of our righteous deeds are as filthy rags.

Our preacher was talking about this on Easter. So pretty much on my best day I am my deeds are like filthy rags in God's eyes and when we compare ourselves to Jesus. NO ONE is perfect! Don't let them fool you. By nature we are all sinners and we all sin everyday! God sent Jesus to die for our sins so that we too could be saved. Wow! I couldn't do that. 

I cried my eyes out the first night Easton stayed away from me. I knew I had to do it after having months of sleepless nights and even more exhausting weeks in the hospital. Now I know why they use sleep deprivation to torture people in foreign countries! You parents know what I am talking about!  But, I could not imagine knowing my son would be put to death so others could live. 

Now I think God would want me NOT to do things to hurt others or myself. I would think he would want me to try, but like I said it's not your activites of daily life that are going to save you. 

This blog was not created for me to preach to you, but rather to share my thoughts on things. I have ALOT, I mean ALOT of thoughts. I'm kinda tired of keeping them to myself! 

Live your life and quit judging and living in fear of being judged. Just don't get locked out of heaven. I want to see you there.

Go youtube: Bruno Mars Pandora skit and Justin Timberlake-Veganville/Liquorville

The big brown turd

This has been weighing heavy on my heart for a few months now. After coming home with E from the hospital (which is the greatest gift that God has given me,) I have been obsessed with trying to lose this baby weight!

I thought, I'll come home at least 30lbs lighter, and the rest will just fall off! WRONG! I wish! Now I've been faced with other health probs and have been trying like crazy to get some of this weight off. Unfortunately there is probably no skinny dipping in my future, only chunky dunking for this chick!

I have always been kinda obsessed with my weight and never felt small enough. Appearance has always been very important to me. Did I get called fat growing up? Probably everyday and quite a few times to my face. Felt left out because I didn't have bookoos of $$? Yep!

I grew up with weight and self esteem issues in a family that had very little money. Me, my mom, and sister did a very good job of hiding our adversities. Most of the kids I went to school with probably had no idea of all the struggles me and my family had. And was I going to tell them? Heck no! I just wanted to be thought of a normal. Im more convinced everyday there is no such thing.

At one point in my life we didnt have a car and so my grandma who was in bailbond business, got this old brown caddillac in on a bail. Me and my friends called it the "big brown turd." Those of you that know me well are probably smiling because I know you remember it and might have even drove it! Ever seen Uncle Buck? Remember when he takes Tia to school? Lol! No it wasn't that bad, but it did look similar.

Uncle Buck! I love this movie!

Omg did that car cause me pain and embarrassment. I had my mom drop me off early to school so no one would see me get out of it! Yes that makes me ashamed now, but hey I was just a kid trying to fit in. I'm not sure I ever quite achieved that.

1 Samuel 16:7 - "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

I have to remind myself this EVERYDAY!

By the time I was a senior in hs, God slowly started showing me that appearances weren't everything, but that what was inside and my service to him was what truly mattered.

Had or have a "big brown turd" in your life? Ok not literally people! Geez! I know I've had alot of things in my life that I was self conscious about! Whether it was my weight or even a stupid car. At least it wasn't a Fiat! Lol! I promise I don't hate them. ;)

Learn from my story and embrace it. Laugh about it, tell people about it. You would be surprised how many have almost the same story. In the grand scheme of things I have learned that my weight and what I drive really does not matter. Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. - Dr. Suess

I know God is not one of those people, he does not mind. EVERYONE is worthy of his love.

Silver Lining

Trip to Durango, Silverton, and Ouray

So hopefully most of you have seen silver lining playbook... Which is amazing by the way, but does have alot of fowl language. So beware! It definitely sparked my interest considering my work in mental health. Not such an accurate depiction of someone with bipolar, but it has a good message and is entertaining nonetheless.

Ever heard "every cloud has a silver lining?" They really do... You can see the sun shining behind creating a silver lining on the edges. Never really thought about it in the literal sense until I watched this movie.

Webster's Dictionary; silver lining:

Benefit from adversity:something that offers hope or benefit in a situation that is generally adverse.

Really there is a silver lining in every bad situation in our life, but we have to have the glass half full attitude in order to see it.

I catch myself everyday going through life and getting irritated with small, daily adversities and not to mention the huge things in life that have thrown me for a loop.

Like really Walmart? Clean the hair off your basket wheels so they drive correctly. Your laughing, but I KNOW you have thought the same thing. Instead, I should be telling myself, Thank God I can buy groceries and have a place to buy groceries because there are starving people all over the world. That gives me hope to keep shopping while my basket steers and nearly knocks into the lady with a cane next to me. :)

Or really guy that just passed me in your fiat just to switch lanes and decide to go 50 on the highway. Who will later fly past me going 90... Repeat... Repeat. Thank you Jennifer Lopez, I'm blaming you for this one! But really, I should be more like thank God I'm not driving a fiat. I'm joking. Thank God I have legs to drive, gas in my car, somewhere to go, and probably people that love me waiting at my destination. And yes that is a benefit in this adverse and frustrating situation that happens to me EVERY single day while driving to work! 

“Most people lose the ability to see silver linings even though they are always there above us almost every day.” 

― Matthew Quick

Very true, I know I do. I know those examples might not be such large adverse events, but ones we experience on a daily basis. I have had huge adversities in my life, but once I have found the silver lining things always seem to turn around.

One consistent silver lining in my life is God's love for me. Somedays I might feel he loves me more than others, but I know he is always there to pick me up when I've fell on my face.

Psalm 34:19

"Many are the hardships of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all."

I think God sometimes gives us situations in our life so that we seek him during those times. Because really when I'm laying on the beach, drinking a margarita, you think I will be looking for him to deliver me out of the darkness? Well no, I am instead thankful for the light. 

But when I get home from my oasis and find someone has broken into my house and crashed into my car, he knows I will be looking for my God to save me and give me hope. (This did not happen to me by the way just an illistration. Knocking on wood now.) Now do I think God makes bad things happen to good people? No, not necessarily. I just think we would not perhaps look to him for help unless in midst of chaos. 

Isaiah 45:7

"I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am, who does all these things."

God does do all of these things and through my life I come to realize that he has always been my silver lining. I just have to remind myself sometimes.

Like Peter

So as I was cleaning out our back bedroom and I ran across my bible from when I was little. I picked this bible because of the neon colors and it had page in the back that said sex in large letters. 

Hmmm... Never heard that word before. "Mom, what is sex?" Hey, kids are curious and I knew I had to buy it to find out. (Note: how to get a kid to buy or read a bible.) Anyways, I must have not liked my handwriting so I made my mom write in the front of it.

I was not aware that I EVER played tennis! haha! I do remember buying an anna kournikova poster at the book fair in elementary which I guess entitled to me to be good at tennis!?!? Book fair day was the best day ever! 

The bible character most like me: Peter

I probably had no idea about Peter's story. I bet I just thought the name sounded funny. Not even on my best days can I compare. I do try...

Peter was one of jesus' disciples. 

Peter's real name was simon, but Jesus gave him the nickname of Peter which means "rock." It would be like the name rocky today. Like Rocky Balboa? 

"Your gunna eat lightning and crap thunder."Sorry had to do it. My hubby is obsessed with the rocky movies. 

Anyways... Peter was VERY human and doubted and denied Jesus. (Matthew 14:25-31) Jesus went out to them on the lake and they were convinced he was a ghost. He told them to take courage and that it was him. "Lord if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come", He said. Peter walked on the water toward Jesus. Peter saw the wind and doubted and began to sink. He cried "Lord save me!" Jesus reached out His hand and caught him. "You of little faith," He said, "why did you doubt?" 

Peter then went on to deny Jesus when Jesus was about to be crucified.

Jesus knew Peter had a good heart and considered him his right hand man. He also understood Peter's doubt, knew of his denial, and most of all knew he wasn't perfect. Jesus still loved him anyway. After the crucifixion, Peter went on to preach the story of Jesus and later was crucified as well.

I had a very humble childhood. I grew up with my mom and sister. We had very little money. I think we lived off allsups burritos aka gut bombs (but hey those things are AMAZING just don't forget the taco sauce) and double cheeseburgers most of the time. That was cheaper than buying groceries. We went periods of time with no car or house. Don't get me wrong, I never went without. Thanks to the best mom a girl could ever have and alot of Godly people that knew our situation. 

I cannot tell you how many times I doubted God and asked him "why?" Why me? I tried to keep my faith, but at times it was hard. I think I had alot of prayer warriors. 

Now I understand. God was humbling me to go and spread his word. I know he wants me to talk about his love for me and the fact that through all the storms that I have faced in my life, he has sheltered me, protected me, and given me life. So when you doubt or ask why, just keep the faith because God has a reason and someday it will come to light.

God is giving me the courage daily to share my story and all the wonderful things he has done in my life so that it might encourage others. Maybe he is trying to make me more like Peter. 

The Will of God rather than the will of man

Hi all! As most of you know I am now the mom of a precious 3 month old! After a long road and quite a few challenges Easton was born a month early and was in NICU for about a week, but is now growing like a weed and is in the 80% for his age! Praise God! I prayed for him everynight and still do! Not only for his health and all other normal things a mother wishes for her child, but in particular that he grows up knowing God and seeks him in all that he does!

We are dedicating Easton in May and so I've done alot of thinking about what I hope his future looks like! Yes I hope he is sucessful. Who knows maybe he will be a star athlete and take over for Derek Holland or maybe he could even get Romo out of the picture (which could be likely considering that would be about the time his contract would up! Ha!) Or maybe he will lead a very normal life and be an amazing husband and father! :)

I had something pretty extraordinary happen last night. I believe that God still speaks and he did to me last night. Yes I am sleep deprived and probably have been delirious on more than one occasion in the past few weeks while tending to my newborn, but I heard him.

It was as clear as day and woke me from a dead sleep. I heard him say my name. "Miranda." Easton was still asleep (go figure! Why couldn't God speak to me while Easton was awake! All in his timing, right?) and Cory was loudly snoring next me. I immediately felt led to read the scripture Luke 4:21.

"21 And He began to say to them, “Today this Scripture is 

fulfilled in your hearing.” 22 So all bore witness to Him, and 

marveled at the gracious words which proceeded out of His mouth."

"And they said, “Is this not Joseph’s son?”"

Luke is telling the story of Jesus' sermon at the synagogue. Jesus is telling the Jews that today he has fulfilled the scripture and that he is the chosen one, the messiah. The jews listened, but quickly began to question Jesus because of their wants and expectations.

"And they said, "is this not josephs son?" The jews expected a king of

theirs to be born into terms that were deemed worthy. Mankind looks for power and wealth as attributes of the famous, royal, and worthy. Although we know Jesus was the son of God. The Jews are saying why would our King be born to Joseph, a man of no social status from a small town.

This hit me like a ton of bricks and reminded me of exactly what I have been praying for my son since the day I found out I was pregnant. Yes, I want him to have all the desiresof his heart and to have a wonderful childhood and life free of struggles. 

But the will of man is not the will of God. I want my son to know God and have everlasting life. I would take having a honorable son that seeks God all the days of his life rather than one that's a pro athlete or a millionaire. Thats success to me!

Now off to sleep before my little man wakes up again!