The big brown turd

This has been weighing heavy on my heart for a few months now. After coming home with E from the hospital (which is the greatest gift that God has given me,) I have been obsessed with trying to lose this baby weight!

I thought, I'll come home at least 30lbs lighter, and the rest will just fall off! WRONG! I wish! Now I've been faced with other health probs and have been trying like crazy to get some of this weight off. Unfortunately there is probably no skinny dipping in my future, only chunky dunking for this chick!

I have always been kinda obsessed with my weight and never felt small enough. Appearance has always been very important to me. Did I get called fat growing up? Probably everyday and quite a few times to my face. Felt left out because I didn't have bookoos of $$? Yep!

I grew up with weight and self esteem issues in a family that had very little money. Me, my mom, and sister did a very good job of hiding our adversities. Most of the kids I went to school with probably had no idea of all the struggles me and my family had. And was I going to tell them? Heck no! I just wanted to be thought of a normal. Im more convinced everyday there is no such thing.

At one point in my life we didnt have a car and so my grandma who was in bailbond business, got this old brown caddillac in on a bail. Me and my friends called it the "big brown turd." Those of you that know me well are probably smiling because I know you remember it and might have even drove it! Ever seen Uncle Buck? Remember when he takes Tia to school? Lol! No it wasn't that bad, but it did look similar.

Uncle Buck! I love this movie!

Omg did that car cause me pain and embarrassment. I had my mom drop me off early to school so no one would see me get out of it! Yes that makes me ashamed now, but hey I was just a kid trying to fit in. I'm not sure I ever quite achieved that.

1 Samuel 16:7 - "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

I have to remind myself this EVERYDAY!

By the time I was a senior in hs, God slowly started showing me that appearances weren't everything, but that what was inside and my service to him was what truly mattered.

Had or have a "big brown turd" in your life? Ok not literally people! Geez! I know I've had alot of things in my life that I was self conscious about! Whether it was my weight or even a stupid car. At least it wasn't a Fiat! Lol! I promise I don't hate them. ;)

Learn from my story and embrace it. Laugh about it, tell people about it. You would be surprised how many have almost the same story. In the grand scheme of things I have learned that my weight and what I drive really does not matter. Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. - Dr. Suess

I know God is not one of those people, he does not mind. EVERYONE is worthy of his love.