Facing the Giants

Omg! Yesterday was the worst day I have had in a long time! I started my new job and had to leave Easton! This is a heartbreak like I have never felt before in my life! I'm fearful of the unknown. It feels like I am facing a giant... Some of you are probably like really, a giant? But I know you moms understand.

I have faced ALOT and I mean ALOT of giants in my life, but God has always helped me defeat them one by one. 

I have heard the story of David and Goliath 100 times over, but yesterday at church it touched my heart and was exactly what I needed to hear.

You can read the story in 1 samuel 17. The philistines had gathered for a war against the Israelites. They camped for battle on opposite sides of a deep valley. Goliath was the Philistines reassurance that they could defeat Israel. He was over 9 ft tall and wore over 150lbs of armor. All of Israel was terrified and would run whenever Goliath stepped forward.

I have always invisioned him looking like the motorcycle man off raising arizona...

Yes, that's a rabbit he blew up on the side of the road with a grenade... SCARY...

I have always had a bad habit of running from giants in my life. My number one strength is positivity so I tend to avoid conflict. I internalize my fears and dissapointments. I go through great lengths to keep the peace and pretend I am A Ok.

So David, who was only a teenager was sent to the battle lines to bring food to his brother and bring back news of what was going on.

David was only a shepard, but was strong in his faith. With God's help in the past he had defeated a lion and a bear. He decided he would volunteer to fight Goliath.

 "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied ... today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air ... and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel ... it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give all of you into our hands."

David reached into his bag and slung one of his stones at Goliath's head. Finding a hole in the armor, the stone sank into the giant's forehead and he fell face down on the ground. David then took Goliath's sword and killed him. The Philistines saw that their hero was dead so they ran, but were defeated by Israel.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

David defeated Goliath with the power of God. He gave him strength and courage to get the job done.

I know he will do the same for me and has helped me get through this hard day and will help me in the weeks to come.

As for Easton... here is a picture of him with his Papa today. He is smiling and is doing just fine without me. 

Keep the prayers coming people! 

You have called me higher

I have had the privilege to stay at home with little E for about 4 months now! It has been such a blessing! The time has come to go back to work...

"The time has come," the walrus said, 

"To talk of other things 

Of shoes and ships and ceiling wax 

Of cabagges and kings 

And while the see is boiling hot 

And whether pigs have wings 

Kaloo Kalay no work today 

We're cabbages and kings" 

Haha! Yeah I just took you WAY back. Alice and Wonderland was one of my favorite movies growing up! Eventhough some parts were kinda creepy :) Wwwhhooo aaarrree you?

So the time has come to go back to work... I contemplated part time, staying at home, and even possibly finding a different career field. I prayed and prayed about it when I was pregnant and still do everynight. Guess who came through for me once again? The big man upstairs.

I am starting a new job and I am very excited. It's very bittersweet because I am going to so miss that time with my little man. 

After having so many struggles growing up I really feel that I was called  by God to help others and that calling has never wavered. For me that was to be a social worker and counselor. I never changed degree paths or ever felt like I wasn't doing what I was supposed to.

"For the gifts and calling of God are unchangeable." Romans 11:29

I applied for the job I will be starting LAST OCTOBER! They waited on me for awhile when I was on bed rest and now I've waited on them. You cannot tell me that isn't a God thing. God delayed the hiring 7 months... all in his timing. He has put me once again right where he wants me.

At times I have really questioned God's calling for me. I had many sleepless nights of being on call, heartbreak from patients passing or commiting suicide, and I was screamed and yelled at quite a few times. Oh and not to mention "bit bit," my patients dog peeing on my laptop. Sometimes my calling felt like a curse. 

It never failed when I had those bad days someone or something would pick me back up. It might have been a thank you card, a compliment, or even me just having a moment of realization that I was making a difference in someone's life.

I had seriously the sweetest little patient one time while I was working for hospice. She was one of the most feminine and genuine people I have ever met. She was always dressed in floral patterns and would stare out her shuttered windows at the birds. She asked if I could come see her daily! :) She would always tell me that my smile was the highlight of her day!

She was declining and I will never forget the last day I saw her. I was about to leave and she asked if I could stay a little longer so she could stare at my "beautiful face." She passed 2 days later. 

If that's not rewarding I don't know what is....

I was listening to a song the other day, "called me higher" by sons and daughters. 

The words say you have called me higher, you have called me deeper, I go where you will lead me lord. 

He has called me higher. He has called me deeper. I am going where he leads me. 

The House That Built Me

They say home is where the dog hair sticks to everything, but the dog. Oh geez, isn't that the truth!  ;)

No, but really "home" is not JUST a house. It's a feeling. It's family. It's love. That's home. 

"Home" still calls me daily. It's kinda funny because after all of these years "home" has changed alot for me. I have my own little family now, but "home" has always been and will always be my true blue momma.

So what's so special about this little lady, you ask? I could go on all day about her...

She taught me to laugh. I'll never forget the time she fell off the dryer and grabbed the freezer door on the way down and laid in the floor with frozen veggies surrounding her. Or the time we were in the mcdonalds line and she bumped the person in front of her and she told me "omg, i've never done that before." She forgot it was me with her the day before when she had done the same exact thing in the same mcdonalds line. I'm telling you we are suckers for those double cheeseburgers.

She taught me to dream. Sometimes it was for a house for our family, going to college, or becoming a country music star. "So much for pretending." I was obsessed with Bryan White. Not exactly sure why... lol! The sky was the limit and she made sure we knew that. We spent alot of time talking about our dreams and she was the driving force that put our dreams into action. 

She taught me to see the beauty in life. Our house was small, but God knew where we lived. We always had a beautiful garden in the front yard full of wildflowers. And let me tell you we seriously changed the paint color on the walls about every 2 months. She could beautify anything!

She taught me to love with everything I have. I believe a mother's love has to be the closest thing to God's love here on earth. My mother loves people and she taught me to do the same. I cannot tell you how many times she gave money she didn't have to a client of stranger. She would give you the shirt off her back and I mean literally! My mom would always have to watch what she wore to my grandma's house because often she would come home without it! She has always been so selfless!

My mother is everything I long to be. She is my rock, my best friend, mentor, and has always been my soft place to land. She has molded me into who I am today. She built me.

If a house is a home then my mother is the house that built me. 

Love you mom! Happy Birthday and Mother's Day!

“When God Created Mothers"

When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one." 

And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands." 

The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands.... no way." 

It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked, "it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have." 

That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded. 

One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word." 

God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "Get some rest tomorrow...." 

I can't," said God, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower." 

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed. 

But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure." 

Can it think?" 

Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator. 

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. 

There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model." 

It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear." 

What's it for?" 

It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride." 

You are a genius, " said the angel. 

Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there.” 

― Erma Bombeck